Up Market

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• Is it a Sign or a Test?
• First Impressions Get A Second Chance
• Admit That You’re Afraid

Is it a Sign or a Test? Posted: 05 May 2012 08:00 AM PDT Every one of us will have experiences that will cause us to question the meaning of an event. Doesn't matter if you're an employee, or employer. It will happen. The problem for many is they want the right answer. There is a right answer — but not what you might think. Some questions simply don't have a correct answer. Many of these questions revolve around the idea of trying something and not having it work out. Should you have tried? Do you try again? Did something happen you couldn't control on your end or theirs but you can't tell which, and call or ask to find out?  An example might be that a colleague didn't answer your email or voice message, and it happened more than once. Are they ignoring you? Are they not getting the message, or too busy at the moment? Email or call just one more time and you could be seen not as a person demonstrating professional due diligence, but as a pest. So what is the correct answer? There isn't one. This is a judgment call, and the chips must fall where they may. But how you view your decision is what's important — not the actual task. Many people get hung up when something they worked long and hard on falls apart. You make plans, do your due diligence, prepare, and then things go awry. A client you've been trying to acquire for 5 years finally says, "OK send me an RFP / Request For Proposal." You spend two weeks working on the perfect proposal. To ensure there are no typos you have it proofread by an English professor only to discover after you sent it you mistakenly put Mr. instead of Ms. throughout. Is it a test or a sign? Some things happen completely outside of your control. You plan an event. You've been wondering if you should hold it at a certain venue for a long time, yet you could never get proper pricing or a workable date. Out of the blue you're notified that all your criteria have been met. You decide to do it. The day of your event their air conditioning units fail, and it's hot. To top it off the building is one that doesn't allow windows to be opened. Is it a test or a sign? As you can see,  there is no right or wrong answer. It's all in how you look at it once the dust settles. The only correct question and answer to any of the above is this: Did you do your best — yes or no? If you did, that's all you can do. You can't change the past. Kicking yourself over and over again won't change it either. If the answer is no, then what you need to do is take measures to ensure you don't do it again. But whether or not it's a test or a sign is still arguable. The mistake may have been within your control — but some mistakes happen no matter how hard or diligent you are. There are situations where no amount of preparedness can satisfy all the variables. Don't beat yourself up. Move on. It's called life. You win some, you lose some, but you learn from all. Photo Credit: Alex E. Proimos

First Impressions Get A Second Chance Posted: 05 May 2012 05:00 AM PDT We all know the cliché: “You don’t get a second chance to make a good first impression.” Opinions formed during the first moments of a relationship are usually long-lasting. This leads to all sorts of social manipulation to make a good impression: dressing your best, smiling a lot, leaning forward in your chair, all that stuff the job-hunting websites write about. Recent science teaches us that’s less effective than the advice your mom always used to give you: “Just relax and be yourself!” Why do first impressions matter? Do we have any control over them? The Speed of Emotion First impressions are made, not with logic, but emotion. That’s because our emotions reach conclusions far faster than we can find them logically. In one experiment subjects were given an imaginary budget and three decks of cards with financial rewards or punishments. They drew cards from the three decks, keeping track of the wins and losses to end the game with as much money as possible. The decks were stacked. Drawing from two of them led to more consistent wins. The third, though it had high payouts, carried extravagant punishments. The logical mathematical course was to avoid the dangerous deck, though participants didn’t know that. On average, people chose about 50 cards before they stopped drawing from the danger deck, and about 80 cards before they could explain why. Eighty cards for logic to find a workable answer. Biochemical measurements revealed that by the 10th card physiological responses to the danger deck driven by unconscious emotional reactions were already evident. Their emotions learned in 10 draws what it took their conscious mind eight times as long to learn. If it’s all emotional, you might as well show up to the interview in your jammies then, huh? Your own intuition tells you that’s wrong. But why? Great Expectations The chemical which made emotions learn so quickly in the card experiment is called dopamine. It’s the primary feel-good chemical in your brain. It’s also a primary foundation of intuition. Our unconscious mind uses dopamine to move us toward behaviors which reward and away from behaviors which threaten. In effect, dopamine creates a powerful “surprise detection” circuit. Powerful, because surprise has an intense magnifying effect on our emotions. What’s in the Package? Think about how you feel when someone hands you a simple package, and you open it to find the latest novel or CD by your favorite artist. The surprise heightens the pleasure enormously. Imagine (or remember) someone handing you the same book or CD. No wrapping, no build-up, just, “Here ya go.” It’s not the same, is it? Sometimes we feel guilty for not feeling as appreciative as we think we should. Yet that difference is biochemical, beyond our control. Eliminating surprise kills a huge portion of the emotional response. Also true with bad surprises. Here’s a place where giving away the ending can be incredibly helpful. The less surprised we are by a negative event, the less emotional impact it will have. Surprise as a First Impression: Not a Good Thing Back to that first impression: imagine all the expectations set up by the job interview, the first date, meeting the in-laws or a prospective buyer or whoever it is. If, in the first moments, you disappoint (negatively surprise) their unconscious, the levels of dopamine in their brain drop significantly. Suddenly, the feel-good chemical in their brain isn’t making them feel good anymore. And whose fault is it? Well, who just walked into the room? The first impression, negative surprise, is difficult to overcome with logic. They may realize logically that you’re the right person, but dopamine makes them wary of you because you gave them an unpleasant surprise. By skipping the negative surprise you gain more control over their first impression of you. Now mom’s advice works. Relax. Be yourself. Let their unconscious find what it likes about your unconscious (we call this “getting to know someone” and it has little to do with external factors.) By avoiding negative surprise you’ve given first impressions a second chance.

Admit That You’re Afraid Posted: 05 May 2012 02:00 AM PDT Hi, my name is Karl. I'm afraid every single day of my life. I own a business called “Party Biz Connect” — soon to be “Domino Connection.” I'm afraid, and I've learned to hug this fear like it's a good friend. I used to treat my fear like it was my arch-nemesis. At first I ran from him. Then I wanted to crush him. But all along, my fear was just trying to reach out to me, to help me connect with what I was really feeling. Growth These feelings are there for a reason: To challenge you to grow. I don't want to change the name of my company. I want my current name to be the one everyone understands and loves. I want it to be the reason they desperately want to hire me. I'm changing the name because everyone that I help thinks that all I do is throw Twitter parties — which, as it turns out, isn’t true. I help people with online events (live video, webinars) and marketing strategies. No one gets this, so I have to change my name to reflect that and expand my offers in an obvious way. This scares the hell out of me. I had just found a nice groove; people were coming to me because I was the expert. Now I have to take two steps back and start the branding process all over again. I'm admitting that I'm afraid because it helps me deal with my fear, understand it and even love it — at certain times. I still shy away from tough decisions, but I'm getting better at facing these fears and using them to help guide my decisions. Your Business Fear Look at your business. What are you shying away from? What scares you? These unopened fears need to be opened. Let the fear sting you until tears come to your eyes. This is where you’ll find the most growth. I'm taking a big risk by changing the name of my company, but I know it will pay off in the long run. What risk are you afraid to take… that you know will help you grow? Photo Credit: arka D

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