Upmarket Magazine

Posted: 02 Sep 2012 05:00 AM PDT

“The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur.” ~ Vince Lombardi

Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final and failure is not fatal – it is the courage to continue that counts.” Thomas Edison offered, “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Their words lead me to contemplate the very meaning of the words “success” and “failure“. Perhaps they are nothing more than labels we use for experiences that could very well be vital stepping stones. Both words are loaded with judgment that compels us to move closer to one and further from the other. But what if they are simply two sides of the same coin?

Consider the following events in each of these people’s lives:

It’s been said that Abraham Lincoln failed in business twice, had a nervous breakdown and was defeated in eight elections.
Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor who thought he lacked creative ideas.
When he was young, Thomas Edison was told by his teacher that he was too stupid to learn anything.
Soichiro Honda, the founder of Honda, was turned down by Toyota for an engineering job.
Before becoming a successful actor, John Wayne was rejected by the US Naval Academy.
Lucille Ball was dismissed from drama school with a note that read “Wasting her time… she’s too shy to put her best foot forward.”
Steven Spielberg unsuccessfully applied to film school three separate times.
Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
Baseball legend Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times.
The first novel of best-selling novelist John Grisham was rejected by sixteen agents and twelve publishing houses.
Before going on to sell millions of copies in 27 languages, Robert M. Pirsig’s book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance was rejected by 121 publishers.
Deca recording company turned down the Beatles, with the reason “We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on its way out.”

This list could go continue for pages. What these people have in common is that they didn’t let labels like “success” and “failure” define them. They didn’t allow the events in their lives (or their thoughts and judgments about them) to get in the way of their dreams or what they knew they were capable of. And their courage, perseverance and determination benefitted not only themselves, but countless others – many of whom came generations later.

Another of my favorite quotes is from a woman named Susan Taylor who said, “Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.” Using this same wisdom, perhaps what some call “failure” is actually a catalyst – or even a prerequisite – for what others call “success.”

What’s happening in your life right now? What if it is the very experience you need in order to get where you most want to go?

Image credit: jesse.millan

Quality of Connection: The Secret to Communication Skills Mastery

Posted: 02 Sep 2012 02:00 AM PDT

The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer. ~ Edward R. Murrow

Edward Roscoe Murrow, KBE (born Egbert Roscoe Murrow;[1] April 25, 1908 – April 27, 1965) was an American broadcast journalist.

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. ~ Dr Seuss

Theodor Seuss Geisel (pronounced /ˈɡaɪzəl/; March 2, 1904 – September 24, 1991) was an American writer and cartoonist most widely known for his children’s books.

Our quality of connection — how connected we feel with someone — is one of the most obvious and therefore one of the most overlooked nuggets of gold in interpersonal skillfulness.

Consider the following: When you feel very disconnected from someone, the slightest thing they do can be highly annoying. The way they talk, the way they walk, they way they blow their nose: so very irritating!

And the opposite: When the quality of the connection is high, the person could spill a pot of coffee in the middle of your living room and what happens? You are SO understanding and compassionate! “Oh, don’t worry about it, I’ll get it. It happens to the best of us!”

Ultimately what determines our effectiveness in the interpersonal realm is the consciousness and the intentionality that we bring to our interactions. Sure, we can be very articulate and persuasive, and we can get people to do what we want them to do. But as soon as they see themselves as manipulated or coerced we will lose trust and goodwill.

Two questions to ask: What do we want others to do? What do we want their reasons to be for doing so?

I want others to do what I ask of them because:

They love doing it for me or contributing to my well-being;
It meets their own needs (which could also include a need for contribution, see #1).

When interacting with others, practice embodying the following dual intention:

to have a high quality of connection;
to have the willingness to hang in there until you can arrive at a mutually agreeable, win-win outcome.

If you are trying to get your way or manipulate a specific outcome, however subtly, you will begin to lose the quality of the connection — and it is through a high quality of connection that we spontaneously choose to contribute to one another’s well-being, and through which conflicts are prevented or easily resolved.

The words we use can be important. The intentionality and the consciousness are paramount.

Image credit: iStockPhoto

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duminică, 2 septembrie 2012

Upmarket Magazine

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