Upmarket Magazine

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Harness Your Leadership Mojo Posted: 26 Sep 2012 08:00 AM PDT  Have you ever had one of those awkward social     moments when you were unsure of which utensil to use or how to eat an odd looking item on your plate? The uncertainty can mess with your mojo when you are trying to make a good impression, sell a product, build a relationship or convey a message. I had one of those moments at a fancy office party in Washington DC in my 20's. While talking to a senior member of my company I noticed a yummy green dense "dip" next to the uncooked fish cleverly arranged for presentation. I skipped the fish but went for a bite of dip. The burning in my nostrils and tears that filled my eyes let me know that this was no ordinary dip. If you are a sushi enthusiast you know that an end-of-the-chopstick dab will do for wasabi. Tough lesson to learn! With that experience forever etched in my taste buds I enrolled my 12-year-old son in Cotillion. I was met with some resistance, as the notion of suits, ballroom dancing and fancy dining was unappealing to the cool sports-loving Under-Armor wearing boy that wants to hang with friends in his down time. As his mom though it's my job to prepare him for a more diversified and refined world. So knowing that boys travel in a group I collaborated with his friends' mothers and we sold it as a social encounter that would ultimately help them attract and keep a pretty girl. Last night he returned home elated with the experience. It was "fun with food night" and while I've been trying to show him how to use chopsticks and the proper way of enjoying a steamed artichoke, somehow the social learning experience made all the difference. As his mom, I smiled inside and out for the small win and future check mark in the confidence box as he defines his life of love and purpose. Reflecting on the experience, I thought about the world we live in today and how it affects our leadership styles, successes and failures. The realities of the social world require a shift from command and control tactics to ones that promote energy, engagement and exploration among colleagues. Yet too often emerging leaders are left to sink or swim, damaging not only their careers but also the performance of the teams they lead. One of the key elements for first-time leaders is confidence, that in the moment discernment of which fork to use and understanding the dip verses the wasabi. Authentic confidence to lead takes time, trial and error and learning from wins and losses. We can also take a proactive approach to building confidence by grounding ourselves in values, listening and observing what the group needs first and then focusing on behaviors that help us achieve the goals. I held a workshop for emerging leaders recently and here's what developed for them. Confidence… comes from learning to ask a powerful question rather than make a demand requires challenging our assumptions and mind sets means embracing that one person does not have all the answers and that there is real value in the wisdom of the crowd. Leading in today's complexity is individualized both in the style we develop and how that approach is executed within the team. It might take a couple of hard knocks around the sushi buffet but the best leaders are the ones that weave that learning into the process of making their team stronger. What lessons help you build confidence for capturing the highest possible results from your team?

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